dankish links

Section A: Socially Acceptable Voyeurism - Other People's Blogs.

2004-11-14T15:00:00.000-05:00

I can't think of anything better than peeking in on someone's thoughts without having the normal coppery taste in my mouth, wooziness, and splitting headache I ALWAYS get when I read your mind... can you? Don't answer, I already know. Not sure I want to talk about each of these sites individually, because one person might get all weepy and bitter and accuse me of liking someone more than them. (Kidding, those who are mentioned here) Rest assured, however - I still like me best. In fact, I love myself on a pretty regular basis.

Matt A - http://scambuster.blogspot.com/

Don S - http://13steps.com/

Matt C - http://therivetspeaks.blogspot.com

Phil D - http://phildo.org/

Dave Y - http://ninjadave.net/blog.html

superflywebpimp - http://theparagraphnovels.blogspot.com/

Sicily Jones - http://pisspotpourri.blogspot.com

Tom! - http://nilornothing.com

Section 2: He (Or She!) Who Laughs Last...

2004-11-14T14:00:00.000-05:00

Fark - http://www.fark.com
News. All kinds of news, updated every day, with good headlines and a unique system for categorizing the stories. From Walken to Florida, Asinine to Boobies, Fark has all that and a great regular Photoshop contest too. Can't say enough about how much I enjoy this page, check it out!

Penny Arcade - http://www.penny-arcade.com
Shocker - I'm a fuckin nerd. Hence, I sort of dig the occasional video game. Penny Arcade is a webcomic that's updated thrice weekly (Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays) that, while dealing largely with poking fun at current happenings in the video game industry, can be funny to all - some humor is fairly universal.

Ebaum's World - http://www.ebaumsworld.com
You know it, you love it - Ebaum's. Updated regularly, this is one of the best sources for weird, funny, gross, and crazy on the internet.

WorkPoop - http://www.workpoop.com
Ever wonder how much money you're raking in per week just by taking a relaxing constitutional on the job? This handy calculator will let your loose-bowel-movement-having-ass know - once and for all!

College Humor - http://www.collegehumor.com
Fairly similar to the earlier-mentioned Ebaum's, College Humor is full of... ehh... you get the idea.

BASH.org - http://www.bash.org
It's no secret that I think internet chat transcripts can be funny - take a look at the site that (as far as I know) started the movement. Funny shit - sometimes. Mostly. Whatever. Just look!

Cybersex Gone Wrong! - http://cablespeed.com/~pelton/cybrsx.html
This is along the same line as Bash - just somebody trying to get cybersex going with people and then just completely assing out - with often hilarious results. Widely distrubuted on the internet over the years, recompiled and pretty pictures added by me, for you. Because I'm a tender lover.

Homestarrunner - http://www.homestarrunner.com
Homestar, Strongbad, The Cheat, Strongsad, and Strongmad are a few names... if you don't know them, you're missing out. Burninate your time away with some genuinely funny animations. Homestarrunner.net - "It's dot com!"

Dumb laws - http://www.dumblaws.com
Ah, some sites have URLs that really make my job of explaining what they contain SO much easier. Dumb laws, people. Dumb laws.

The Onion - http://www.theonion.com
Satire. Witty, clever, good satire. All the best fake news that's fit to print.

The Darwin Awards - http://www.darwinawards.com
Whether you believe in Natural Selection or not, I'm sure all of us have heard stories about people that met their untimely end doing something so completely fucking moronic it made you think, "Damn, I guess SOMEthing like that woulda happened sooner or later." The Darwin Awards website chronicles such mishaps. For the record, the whole "death" part still bothers me, but some of the way it's presented is undeniably amusing.

Furniture Porn - http://www.furnitureporn.com
All I'll say about this is that is DEFINATELY safe for work. Unless you work with lawn chairs, or people that get offended or aroused (or both!) by lawn chairs. Good parody of most "hardcore" sites out there - or so I've been told. I've never looked at pornography on the internet. And I'm not typing this with one hand, either.

Sorry, Everybody. - http://www.sorryeverybody.com
Not sure if it's more bittersweet than funny or not yet, but this page is devoted to roughly 48% of America apologizing to the rest of the world that our country reelected "W."

The Sneeze - http://www.thesneeze.com
Half zine. Half blog. Half not good with fractions.
Funny stuff.

Maddox - http://maddox.xmission.com
One thing to understand about Maddox is that he might be the biggest asshole in the world. Another thing to keep in mind is that he clearly down't give a shit. Usually pretty funny rants about stuff.

Section C: Holy Shit, How Much Time Did I Just Waste?

2004-11-14T13:00:00.001-05:00

GroupHug - http://grouphug.us/random
An online confession booth - ANYthing goes. Just sit and read and read about how much more fucked-up other people are than you. It makes you feel better, sometimes makes you feel worse about humanity... but, often times... the entries seem like bullshit. Regardless, it's compelling reading that will suck you in for longer than you bargain for. Hit F5 to refresh the page and get a brand new batch of TERRIBLE DIRTY SECRETS. Fun!

Badger. Badger. Badger. - http://badgerbadgerbadger.com/
Badgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadger...
Mushroom?
Snake?
Badgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadger...
Kill me.

Jesus Dress Up! - http://www.jesusdressup.com/
This page is fairly self-explanitory. Sometimes, you can judge a book by its cover. So... yeah. Dress Jesus up.

Subserviant Chicken - http://www.subserviantchicken.com/
In a nutshell: a man dressed as a giant chicken (that is, erotically enough, wearing garter belts) will do pretty much any damn thing you tell him to. Try it out! Make that chicken sandwich!

Rather Good - http://www.rathergood.com/
Flash movies. Kittens. Viking helmets. Gay Bars. Just look. To get a feel for what the site is about, I suggest starting with THIS rockin' link.

Wikipedia! - http://en.wikipedia.org
This isn't really a site that you can spend hours reading on, but it may just be one of my favorites. Wikipedia is an online FREE (fucking impressively comprehensive) encyclopedia. Hasn't let me down yet, check it out. To get an idea of what I mean when I say "comprehensive," check out the Body Parts Slang entry at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_parts_slang - you'll be glad you did, whisker biscuit!

The Smoking Gun - http://www.thesmokinggun.com/
Classified documents declassified and made available to the world via the wonderful interweb. Largely police files on celebrities gone wild, sometimes just really weird everyday people... there may be something to interest you there.

Stupid Stuff! - http://www.stupid.com/
This seems to be a pretty good place to browse and possibly purchase what MIGHT be some of the most stupid stuff. Ever.

Crime Library - http://crimelibrary.com/
Filled to the brim with (yes, somewhat sensationalized) true crime stories. If you like tales of mass murder, organized crime, or just your old-fashioned serial killer, you're gonna lose a good chunk of your day reading about all that and more here. A good starting point would be here: http://crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/history/bath/index_1.html (FYI - that story, like all of the stories on the site, is in fact true. It also happened 20 minutes from my hometown. Albeit a bit before my time, yuk yuk yuk.)

Weird Links - http://www.weirdlinks.com/index.html
Dude. Do I need to spell this out for you? The site is called WEIRD LINKS, for Christ's sake...

The Snoop Dogg Shizzolator - http://www.asksnoop.com/
Put in a website's URL, Snoop translates it into a more suitable dizzialect. Beeyotch.

Rate My Hedgehog - http://www.phplabs.com/demo/ratemystuff/
Honestly has nothing to do with Ron Jeremy, everything to do with, um, hedgehogs.

Hot? Or Not? - http://www.hotornot.com/
People from across the globe submit photos of themselves to be judged by the sometimes-unforgiving internet community. The photos can be displayed as a mix of men and women, or just one or the other. Rate someone's "hotness" on the scale at the bottom to see the results of that poor soul's objectivity as well as the next photo in line. I put my photo on here once, I got somewhere in the mid-8's. Alarmingly, however... I don't think many women play around at this site. But I dunno. I hope, if anything, I appeal to people with healthy sex drives. Ok, I'm emotionally crippled now. I pissed my pants and I'm crying. Next link!

Zombo - http://www.zombo.com/
It has been said that one can do ANYTHING here. Another thing that's also beeen said is, "Uh, what the fuck?" Sound required.

The Dialectizer - http://rinkworks.com/dialect
Similar to the Ask Snoop Shizzolator mentioned above, just different dialects that you can translate webpages into.

Ninjas! - http://www.realultimatepower.net
The best page out there if you want to know some totally hilariously infactual information about what some people think are the absolute coolest things on the planet: Ninjas.

Internet Movie Database - http://imdb.com/
I'd be willing to say that you can find out almost anything you want about almost any movie that's ever been made here. Seriously. More fun than a swift kick to the balls, at the very least.

Worth1000 - http://www.worth1000.com/galleries.asp?display=photoshop
Worth1000 is a host of regular Photoshop contests... people can truly do some amazing things (sometimes beautiful, sometimes a bit horrifying... but always stunning) with Photoshop and the power of their stupid imaginations. Check it out, be mystified by the oddities... yeah.

Section Z

2004-11-14T13:00:00.000-05:00